SJW Rant All Bluster And No Substance

John DiLillo writes an irrational and uneducated rant entitled, In My Tisch Opinion: ‘The Last Jedi’ Isn’t a Mess, It’s a Masterpiece.

shit

Another masterpiece for John to admire.

In it he writes:

Here are 10 different ways we were blessed by Rian Johnson.

Yeah, you’re not easily sucked into the cult of personality or anything.

If you’re on the Internet, you’ve heard people complain about The Last Jedi.

You’ve probably heard people complain about The Last Jedi if you’re not on the internet too.

The backlash has been inescapably obtuse, with people nitpicking just about every angle of the production and screeching “Star Wars is ruined!”

What backlash?  Lucasfilm reps and your contemporaries keep telling everyone that the backlash doesn’t exist.

…from the depths of their parents’ basements.

Which is exactly where you’ll be heading immediately after graduation.

And that’s too bad, because The Last Jedi is a legitimate masterpiece and the first movie to truly deserve the Star Wars mantle since the original trilogy.

I’m willing to entertain your arguments.

The majority of knocks against it come from a place of bad faith or from people who just plain didn’t pay attention.

We shall see.

In honor of its home video release, we decided to break down all of the dumbest and most unreasonable complaints about the best Star Wars movie since The Empire Strikes Back.

Let’s do this thing.

Feel free to @ us, because it means we’ve won.

According to whom?

1. “This movie is for kids!”

Worst thing about modern fandom is the delusion that things you liked as a child should stop appealing to kids now that you’re no longer one

Um. Yeah. Star Wars is for kids. Remember how the original Star Wars has a garbage can robot who makes a sad noise and falls over? Remember how you loved that when you were a kid? Well, now you’re just going to have to suck it up and try to appreciate the cute puffin aliens, because Star Wars isn’t going to suddenly become R-rated and abandon jokes just because you turned 40 and went through a crushing divorce.  But I do recommend that you watch Logan’s Run at some point.

This of course is incorrect.  The Original Trilogy was actually an all ages affair.  That’s why those who saw it as a child, continued to watch the Original Trilogy repeatedly throughout adulthood, and continue to do so.  It’s also why parents were willing to take their children to these movies in great measure; there were deeper layers of the onion for the adults too.  In fact, that’s the only real reason that Disney saw the franchise as still viable 40 years after its inception.  And let’s face it, dismembered limbs in bar fights and the smoldering corpses of Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru don’t exactly scream little kids movie.  You should try watching the movie some time, you might like it.

Nobody is expecting Star Wars to become R-Rated, or abandon jokes altogether.  However, jokes that actually work would be nice, as would compelling characters and a coherent plot.  I’m not sure that turning 40 or going through a crushing divorce has anything to do with any of that.  But I do recommend that you watch Logan’s Run.

The Sequel Trilogy might be said to be kid’s movies, since that’s the mentality of the people who are writing them.

2. “Bombs shouldn’t fall in space!”

Guys, this is going to hurt, Star Wars isn’t real. It’s not sci-fi. It’s not reality. It’s pure fantasy. Bombs shouldn’t fall in space? Sure. You know what else shouldn’t happen in space? Loud laser gun sound effects. But fine, as long as we’re doing this: An object in motion will remain in motion, so bombs falling out of a spaceship would continue to fall, and also TIE bombers already existed in the original trilogy, so please continue to talk about how this movie ruined Star Wars “science.”

Even in fantasy worlds such as Star Wars, the author(s) have to abide by rules of the world that they are creating, otherwise it becomes farce.  Surely you’ve had creative writing classes that have gone over this.  Otherwise, why not have Micky Mouse fight alongside Rey and Poe?  They’re all part of the Disney family after all.  Things have to be depicted within reasonable realism in the Star Wars setting, otherwise suspension of disbelief is shattered.  Take Kal-Leia for instance.  You’re far to young to remember this, but at the time the original 1977 Star Wars film was actually considered a gritty take on the old adventure serials from the 30s and 40s.

3. Leia’s space flight

Yes, the visual of Princess Leia soaring through space wreckage and back into her capital ship is a little goofy. It’s also totally fucking badass. It’s the best possible way for the character to escape death and a terrific way of demonstrating her latent Force powers.

The surreal and beautiful image of the late Carrie Fisher finally getting to use the Force in a movie is great. If you don’t think so, you’re wrong, and you’re even more wrong if you’re one of those people who thinks the movie should have used this moment to kill Leia and write in Fisher’s untimely passing. And cut out every other perfect scene Fisher had, including her reunion with Mark Hamill?! Go sit in the corner.

It’s a deeply stupid way to escape death and a moronic way of demonstrating latent Force Powers.  I’ve written about it at length here.

4. Admiral Holdo and Poe

I’m not one to assume the motives of anyone who didn’t like a space movie, but it seems to me that the female aspects of The Last Jedi are pretty over-represented in criticisms of the film. Strange! I’m sure that doesn’t mean anything at all.

The female aspects of The Last Jedi are not over-represented in criticisms of the film, pretty or otherwise.  Rather, what the criticisms represent instead, are criticisms of silly militant feminism in the film.  Remember, feminist ideology and the female gender are two separate things in the 21st Century, thanks to male progressives who now claim to be feminists.  So criticism of feminism does not automatically translate into criticism of women in the modern era, as much as you may want it to.

One of those female aspects is the presence of Holdo, Laura Dern’s purple-haired admiral who assumes control of the Resistance while Leia is recovering from her exposure to space. People really don’t like that the woman in charge doesn’t tell her young, hot-headed subordinate her secret plan.

Do they not like Holdo because she doesn’t inform her subordinates of her plan as a commander should, or do they not like her because her decisions lead all but a dozen or so Resistance fighters directly to their deaths?

In case you haven’t noticed, Poe Dameron is kind of a dick. All that Holdo knows about him is that he’s just been demoted for putting Resistance ships in danger in service of a reckless plan that wasn’t approved by his last female superior. So she keeps something from him, which is her right. 

How is keeping the Resistance’s plans from Poe her right?  Are you sure that you understand what a right actually is?  So what if Poe is a dick?  Since when was being a dick grounds for withholding military intel from the troops who need it in order to coordinate their actions?  Doing so for such a reason is small minded and petty.  And probably feminist.

And then Poe goes off and puts Resistance ships in danger in service of another reckless plan that wasn’t approved by his female superior. So, Holdo is proven correct. Poe is a cocky little shit who would have screwed it up, and then went and screwed it up anyway. The end.

A scenario that would happen only in the imaginations of feminists.

5. Canto Bight

This is one of the few Last Jedi criticisms that I think is understandable. Look, I love the wacky casino planet that Finn and Rose visit midway through The Last Jedi. It’s funny, well-realized and incredibly Star Wars. If you find the setting off-putting and you just don’t vibe with it, that’s cool. What you can’t do is claim that the scene in question is “pointless” because that just isn’t true. Leia and Han’s sojourn on the Millennium Falcon in Empire doesn’t end up impacting the plot, but it changes the characters for good and Canto Bight is the same. What Finn learns on Canto Bight is to care about something bigger than his friends. He learns about systematic injustice in the galaxy and sees the impact of the Resistance beyond the small group he’s familiar with. It all builds to him abandoning his complacency and embracing his identity as a rebel. That matters to the movie, whether or not you liked how it went down. Also come on, BB-8 shoots coins at a guy!

Of course it’s true that the Canto Bight sequence is pointless.  It serves only to facilitate moronic social justice lecturing that has no value whatsoever.  Comparing it with the Han and Leia sojourn in TESB is ridiculous.  The sequence in TESB certainly impacts the plot because torturing Han is what allowed Darth Vader to send out Force vibes to Luke, who then saw his friends in pain in a vision on Dagobah, and then flew to Cloud City to save them.

6. Rose

I’m not going to claim that everyone who hates Kelly Marie Tran’s delightful character is racist or sexist, although I know for a fact that some of them are. I’m going to go a step further and say that they’re also heartless. Rose is the character who comes the closest to being the soul of The Last Jedi. She’s achingly sincere, a bottomless pit of kindness. People don’t like sincerity in their blockbusters; they want quips and snark and Deadpool. 

How is it exactly that you know for a fact that people who hate the moronic Rose Tico character are racist or sexist?  Are you sure that you don’t just call everything racist and sexist?

When someone like Rose shows up, modern audiences squirm and reject her because a line as corny as “That’s how we’ll win: Not fighting what we hate, saving what we love” just has to be bad, right? Nope. It’s the perfect summation of the film as a whole. 

Well then how come Holdo got to destroy what she hated?

Long live Rose Tico.

Tee hee…

7. Rey

People have been complaining since The Force Awakens that Rey is a “Mary Sue,” which is a subtle code that Internet sexists have for whining about girls taking over the world.

Is it super duper secret code for being sexist?  Or is it that Rey is in fact a Mary Sue? Occam’s Razor my friend.

The accusation here is that Rey is just too perfect and good at everything, which on the surface seems pretty absurd given that she spends the entire runtime of The Force Awakens struggling with her biggest flaw, her desire to avoid her destiny and wait around for her family to come back for her. She overcomes that weakness here, realizing throughout the course of the film that she’s the only one who can discover her place in the galaxy. No one can show it to her.

Didn’t you hear from Daisy Ridley herself?  Not only is Rey not a Mary Sue, but she also has no weaknesses.  Reconcile that one.

That ties in with another complaint about Rey, the fact that no one’s moronic “Who are Rey’s parents?” fan theories came true. Rey was never going to be Obi-Wan Kenobi’s grandniece or whatever, because it’s very obvious that the arc of this Star Wars trilogy is the conflict between Ben Solo, someone who feels entitled to a legacy, and Rey Nobody, someone who has a legacy thrust upon her. Sorry Rey isn’t a clone of Emperor Palpatine. (This is a real thing that real stupid people wanted.)

Ha!  The novelization of The Last Jedi suggests that Rey is Luke’s niece.  What are you going to do when JJ Abrams retcons the “nobody” parentage in Episode IX?

8. Killing Snoke

Okay look, I’m just going to cut to the chase. No one gives a shit about Snoke. Snoke sucks. Snoke is a boring Emperor Palpatine rip-off who looks like a pile of moldy dicks. Anyone who cared about a character named “Snoke” should be ashamed of themselves. He’s boring and stupid, and killing him is one of the best choices The Last Jedi makes. Kylo Ren is infinitely more compelling and will be a far better villain, and no amount of “Snoke=Mace Windu?!?!” YouTube videos will change that fact.

Should people who care about a character named Snoke be more ashamed than someone who knows what a pile of moldy dicks looks like?

9. Luke’s characterization

This is the big one. People are very angry that this movie wasn’t about a perfect Jedi god named Luke Skywalker who gets all of the ladies and kills all the bad guys dead. Luke isn’t perfect here; he’s bitter and sad, and he doesn’t have all the answers. But a still-growing Luke is far more interesting than the charmingly stagnant Han Solo mannequin that appeared in The Force Awakens. Luke changes. He grows. And yes, he dies. That’s upsetting! But it’s okay for a movie to upset you. Sometimes it’s trying to. With some distance, there’s nothing more satisfying than the death Luke gets in The Last Jedi, a death that’s noble and powerful and incredibly cool. Luke couldn’t be the star of these movies. These Star Wars movies are about the next generation inheriting a legacy, not the last generation holding onto it. It’s no wonder middle-aged fanboys are upset. These movies don’t belong to you anymore, guys. 

Absolutely no one said that they are angry that this movie wasn’t about a perfect Jedi god named Luke Skywalker who gets all of the ladies and kills all the bad guys dead.  No one.  So you’re responding to a point that no one made, simply because you think the prose in that sentence sounds clever.  It’s not.

Dying wasn’t the upsetting part.  It was the manner in which he died.  There’s nothing wrong with the idea of Luke Skywalker dying.  It’s the execution of that idea which was a steaming pile of Bantha fodder.  It was all very, very lame indeed.

Time to let go.

The box office and the waning toy and merchandise sales demonstrate that many are letting go.

Luke couldn’t be the star of these movies. These Star Wars movies are about the next generation inheriting a legacy, not the last generation holding onto it.

Well, he could, but few really wanted that.  What some were expecting instead, was for Luke to play the Obi-Wan of this trilogy.  Obi-Wan in the Original Trilogy was a secondary character.  Again, you’re arguing against points that no one is making.

10. Killing Admiral Ackbar

Oh, you guys care about Admiral Ackbar now? What the fuck is wrong with you? He’s just a fish man who said one funny thing once. Why are you angry that he’s dead? You’re lucky they even remembered to put him in these movies. Did you know that in the old dumb Star Wars books Admiral Ackbar just literally dies of old age? Look it up. You should feel lucky your fish man hero died in battle!

Admiral Ackbar led the assault on the Death Star 2.0.  Sure his time was brief.  Nevertheless, he still holds far more emotional gravitas than Holdo ever did, or could.

Also, get a life.

Says the guy who took the time to write this silly article.

5 thoughts on “SJW Rant All Bluster And No Substance

  1. I am fairly sure I can describe many things about the author of this piece without even looking for a photo or looking at any profile or social media of his:

    He’s white, has a stuble or soy boy “beard”. His profile picture has him either with a starbucks grin or a full on open mouth soy face. If not balding, his hair is unkempt in what he surely thinks is a rebellious look. Art or film school grad or soon to graduate. Very thin in way that makes him look weak and filmsy due to dangeroulsy low testosterone levels and lack of physical activity. Fits the intelectual but stupid trope to a T. He’s an SJW ideology promoter 24/7.

    I could say more, but I think that’s accurate enough.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. 6. Rose […] She’s achingly sincere, a bottomless pit of kindness

    Tasering an innocent person in order to force him to risk his life fighting for a cause he doesn’t care about not has sworn any allegiance to.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I never really thought about it from that perspective. No wonder SJWs love Rose Tico so much. She forces people to do things against their will. Of course that would be heroic to them.

      Like

  3. Pingback: 20 Points That Slumming Through SJW “Think” Pieces Teaches Us | Disney Star Wars is Dumb

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