Han Solo Novel Last Shot Unintentionally Retcons The Force Awakens

Among the tales of Han Solo’s baby sitting, and Lando Calrissian’s admiration of his own genitalia, Last Shot readers also get treated to the high adventure of Han Solo’s mid-life crisis.

James Whitbrook of i09 reports:

Daniel José Older’s new Star Wars novel, Last Shot, was bundled up with the recent wave of Solo: A Star Wars Story-themed book announcements. But while there are parts of it that deal with the early lives of Han and Lando, it’s at its best when it’s set decades after the upcoming movie, as the two come to terms with leaving their past—and their youth—behind.

…set approximately two years after Return of the Jedi and the Battle of Jakku, with Han pulled away from his family by Lando into a new adventure tying up the other arcs of the book through its mysterious villain, a sort of Dr. Frankenstein-for-droids figure named Fryzen Gor. That contrast is to starkly remind us of one thing: Han and Lando grew up.

From Han’s point of view in this time period, getting old is a petrifying and new thing to him, as he tries to balance his new homelife looking after a 2-year-old Ben Solo with a wife constantly caught up in the bureaucratic quagmire of establishing the New Republic (a New Republic that frequently wants Han to get caught up in its administration as well, much to his chagrin).

Han’s unease, so potent that it almost feels uncharacteristic for the smuggler-turned-Rebel-hero who helped bring down the Empire. How does a guy who’s spent most of his adult life on the run, solving problems with lies and deals and liberal amounts of blasterfire, know how to be a parent? Can he be the father he never really knew, or the husband he never thought he’d be, to a child and wife who unquestionably, thoroughly love him?

Han finds himself worryingly holo-calling home every time he has a moment to check up on Leia and Ben, and at one point late on in the novel he admits that he has no idea if he’s comfortable being out among the stars as a pilot anymore, doing the things he’s loved his whole life, when he knows should be back home raising Ben—despite the fact he has no idea if anything he’s doing with his son is actually good for the child.

But it’s also important reminder that these characters we’ve known and loved for years—decades, rather, of learning more and more about them over years of books and comics and movies, as we’re about to do so again with Solo next month—are not trapped in amber. They are confronted with maturity and aging and realities of lives outside of spaceship battles and daring rebellions, just as we all eventually become (well, at least without the spaceship battles and daring rebellions bit). And in confronting those very real emotions in Han and Lando, Last Shot becomes far more interesting than you might expect a supposed Solo tie-in novel to really be.

Okay.  So riddle me this: if Han Solo “grew up” 2 years after Return of the Jedi, and becomes a boring suburbanite dad while eschewing a life of adventure, then how come we see him in Episode VII as the same smuggler character we first met in Episode IV before his arc was finished in Episode VI?

Lando Admires His Own Butt And Bulge In Last Shot Novel

According to Amy Ratcliff at Nerdist.com, page 41 of the hardcover edition of Last Shot features the following passage:

“Pants: Dark purple with a gold stripe up either side. Pressed and creased sharply down the middle, of course. Subtly flared at the hems over shined and waxed narrow-tip dewback-skin boots, sloping inward and tight toward the top. Tight enough for a bulge and insinuation of an ass; not so tight as to cut off circulation or impede a smooth cavort across the dance floor.”

What wondrous worlds that author Daniel Jose Older takes us to.  It certainly makes for a nice contrast to Han’s adventures in babysitting.

So when are we going to get Leia admiring her own healthy rack spilling over that gold bikini top in the name of equality?  Or would that be sexist and/or misogynist?

But I’m a bit cautious here, because this does read like satire.  If anyone discovers that this is in fact satire and sends me the info, I’ll be happy to update this post.

Then again, those who thought that Hando was purely shipping fantasy, may want to rethink being so certain.


What a crime that nobody else can see Lando’s butt through his capes.

More SJW Propaganda Spews From the Pages Of Han Solo Novel Last Shot

Anthony Breznican at ew.com reports in an article entitled, Star Wars: Han and Lando novel Last Shot gets personal and political.

Last Shot also explores topics that touch a nerve in our own galaxy — sometimes using humor, sometimes heart, and sometimes just by making it matter-of-fact.

There’s a new Gungan character who objects to the Jar-Jar Binks-style stereotype. An Ewok hacker who defies the notion that the furry little creatures are primitives. Lando’s Twi’lek lover gives him a lesson in respect and consent. And there’s a human pilot whose gender fluidity is accepted without mention, which underplays the significance of such a character in a Star Wars novel.

Genuine fans don’t want any SJW garbage from our galaxy infecting the Star Wars franchise.  That’s why we try to escape to a galaxy far, far away.  To get the hell away from that trash.

Anthony asked the author Daniel Jose Older some questions in an interview.  Such as this:

Was there anybody in real life, a crime boss or a warlord or somebody, who inspired this guy?

You know what’s really interesting? Just today, late last night, they announced that they’re removing the statue of Marion Sims from Central Park. Marion Sims was called the “father of gynecology,” but also famous for doing really horrific experiments on black enslaved women. He’s a true historical monster that has been lionized and worshiped in modern day culture, right? I think there’s a fascinating dynamic that happens in different forms of oppression, where you have someone that’s committed to healing, supposedly, and also literally just destroying peoples’ bodies because he doesn’t view them as human, right? So right there, history is full of people like that.

Yeah, like Margaret Sanger for instance.

That’s what fantasy does so well. It’s a great way of exploring things that, maybe it is a more difficult conversation to have in real life. But you take it away from our world, and suddenly it actually becomes pretty clear.

Definitely. The other conversation with Fyzen Gor, of course, is about the idea of what it means to come into someone else’s community and demand that they stand up for things without a full understanding of what that might mean. There’s this constant dynamic with Gor, who’s like, “Yes! Droids, rise up around the galaxy!” And he’s doing it by literally trying to control them, right? What kind of liberation involves being controlled by someone else?

Ask your boss, Kathleen Kennedy.

He tells Han, “Don’t hit me with this ‘Meesa, meesa’ talk. Then there’s Preepka, a female Ewok who’s a slicer, the galactic version of a hacker. We’re used to seeing the Ewoks as these primitives, right, and she’s actually pretty tech-savvy. Then there’s Takka Jamoreesa, who you never really specified, I don’t think, but you refer to Takka as “they” and “their,” so I’m guessing non-gender-specific, or …

Yeah, gender non-binary. I don’t think the Star Wars universe really has a term that they employ as far as that goes, except for just to say that Takka’s pronouns are “they” and “their.” They’re gender non-binary, and that’s who they are.

Remember back when the word “binary” in Star Wars referred to two stars in a single system?  Ahh, good times.

I’m guessing that both of these themes are important to you, too. On one hand, Han dealing with being a father, and on the other hand, you explore the broader social or political issues of the galaxy. I assume these are all personal to you?

Well, I’m not a father. I do have an amazing niece and nephew — whose toys I havestepped on in the middle of the night — that I adore. But I thought it was just a really important question to get into the daily life, the really basic detailed drudgery of what it’s like for Han Solo. The hero of the galaxy, this guy who’s known and beloved both within the galaxy. He’s a legend, and it’s very hard to write people that are so gigantic and legendary. I grew up, since I was 3 years old, knowing who Han Solo was and thinking, “He’s the coolest person in the world.” How do you write that and make them feel human?

It’s tough.

To me, the answer to that question is, “Put a 2-year-old in their arms, and maybe have that 2-year-old kick them in the face when they’re trying to sleep.” [Laughs] The very real, basic thing of having a toddler running around, and how annoying it is, and how wonderful it is at the same time. And there’s a galactic incident unfolding. All these things are happening at the same time, which is its own form of crisis and drama and everything else. As long as there’s also some good space shoot-outs and other cool stuff happening, that has a place in Star Wars.

Especially now that day-time soap operas have mostly vanished.

That’s the personal side; tell me about the political side, and imbuing this story with a sense that we go through life, and we have our own identities, but we’re constantly interacting with people who are from other backgrounds. In the galaxy, man, I don’t know if it’s more complicated than it is here on our own planet, but you’ve got so many variations of creature and culture. It seems like a natural for this kind of storytelling. 

Touching on what you mentioned earlier, it’s this idea that with fantasy and science-fiction we have an opportunity to talk about the real world on a very multilayered and nuanced way that, far from getting in the way of the fantasy, actually enhances it deeply. These stories are like having a complex conversation about power as it functions in that world, and that echoes what happens in this world, makes the story better. So whether that means dealing with the power of the Galactic Empire, or the power of being a father and what that involves. That’s when stories get good, when we really dig into those questions and explore them.

When he’s talking about power structures, what he’s actually talking about is the worthless Marxist propaganda that he was fed in college, rather than genuine artistic storytelling.  Remember, the two are mutually exclusive.

One thing has become painfully clear to me though.

Lucasfilm claimed that they firebombed the EU because of Chewbacca’s death, and the desire to see the character in the Sequel Trilogy.  I now believe that to be pure PR hogwash.

I now suspect that they used the “Chewbacca Death” excuse as a pretense to wipe clean the EU, so that the entire mythology could be rewritten through the eyes of SJW retardation.

Because if Chewbacca’s death was really the issue, why not just decanonize those particular books that dealt with Chewbacca’s death?  Why not use a scalpel instead of a bulldozer?  Simple; because they wanted to tear it all down and rebuild it in their own wacko image.


If Lucasfilm can decanonize Chewbacca’s death, then why can’t fans decanonize Han and Luke’s death?

More Details On Han Solo’s Babysitting Emerge

I’ve previously written about Han Solo’s adventures in babysitting, as told in the new novel Last Shot.


The franchise was always destined to end up in the hands of Jerry Springer.

Now we’re getting some more details on Han’s baby sitting trials and tribulations, and it turns out that fretting over choking hazards takes up a big chunk of Han’s day.

According to Chris Agar at ScreenRant, author Daniel José Older writes in the novel:

“Two years in and no matter what, nothing he did was right. He brought Ben a play blaster from Burundang and he was encouraging his violent side; took it away and the boy wouldn’t stop crying. He tried to replace it with a build-a-space-center set and there were too many small pieces Ben could choke on. The worst part was, it wasn’t like Leia was just nagging or inventing stuff to one-up Han; she was right about all of it. So he couldn’t even properly resent her for it!”

Babysitting, toddlers crying, building play sets, and choking hazards.

Gee, that’s so much more entertaining than smuggling stolen goods, or chasing after some ancient Sith artifact worth a fortune, or piloting starships to the remote corners of the galaxy, or fighting in wars.  I never would have guessed that 6 out of the 8 feminists in Kathleen Kennedy’s Story Group were women.  Who could’ve guessed that, after Poe’s adventures in seamstressing?

“And Han Solo… you feel like he’s the father you never had. He would have disappointed you.” – Kylo Ren

He’s certainly disappointing fans thanks to the Lucasfilm Story Group.  No question about that.


Keep this out of Kylo’s hands.

But I want to focus on one particular sentence from the novel, that should be read in the context of the blasterless Solo posters:

He brought Ben a play blaster from Burundang and he was encouraging his violent side;

Disney would never ever rebrand Star Wars as Star Peace, now would they?