A Comic Book Telling George Lucas’ Original Vision For The Sequel Trilogy

Over the decades, Mark Hamill has been the one to listen to for hints and clues as to how the future of Star Wars would take shape.  He’s always been very forthright and genuine, and overall the best kind of movie star that a fan could ask for.

Way back in 1983, Hamill discussed the possibility of a future Sequel Trilogy:

Hamill asked Lucas what he would be doing in it according to nerdreport.com:

 I said, ‘Well, what do you want me to do?’ He said, ‘You’ll just be like a cameo. You’ll be like Obi-Wan handing the lightsaber down to the next new hope.’”

More interesting than that however, was Mark Hamill’s statements in an interview with Maria Shriver, also back in 1983:

“It’s either going to be on another plane of existence, or not the same character.  When  you see the ending, you’ll see why it has to be the last one. Period.” ~Mark Hamill, 1983

On another plane of existence.  That sounds very interesting.

BigLuke

George Lucas seems to echo some of those thoughts, hinting at a much more deeply metaphysical and perhaps a more mature Star Wars Trilogy.  Lucas stated according to starwars.com:

“The other one — what happens to Luke afterward — is much more ethereal. I have a tiny notebook full of notes on that. If I’m really ambitious, I could proceed to figure out what would have happened to Luke.”

Luke

It’s possible that this young Force-sensitive woman would have been a teenager according to ScreenRant:

[Abrams] said Lucas’s treatment had centered on very young characters – teenagers, Lucasfilm told me – 

KiraSam

Kira and Skyler

According to Arndt:

Early outlines for the movie centered around the characters Sam and Kira. Arndt described them, respectively, as “pure charisma” and a “loner, hothead, gear-headed, badass.” [1] While its been widely reported that Vanity Fair said the leads of George’s outline were “teenagers,” George himself said they were in their 20s, which fits the early concept art better. He also said the story was about the grandchildren of Anakin Skywalker.

However, Lucas himself stated:

“The original Saga was about the father, the children, and the grandchildren. That’s not a secret to anybody, it’s even in the novels and everything. The children were in their 20s and everything, so it wasn’t The Phantom Menace again.”

Kira would later find Luke exiled in a Jedi Temple:

Lucas himself showcased art of where the first Temple (and Luke) was located. His plan was for Luke to slowly regain his faith by training a new pupil, Kira (who would later become Rey), meaning Skywalker factored in Lucas’ sequel trilogy much earlier than in actuality.

Accoding to ScreenRant:

The book also reveals Lucas’ initial plans for Episode VII and possibly the rest of his Star Wars sequel trilogy. As it turns out, Luke exiled himself to a remote location where the first Jedi temple existed decades after the fall of the Galactic Empire. Over the course of the film, Luke would slowly regain his spirit and, eventually, start to train the new Jedi, named Kira.

According to Arndt:

So, the late-2012 idea of a Luke Skywalker haunted by the betrayal of one of his students, in self-imposed exile & spiritually in “a dark place”, not only precedes Rian Johnson’s involvement in Star Wars but J.J. Abrams’, as well.

JediTemple

According to slashfilm.com:

In the book, we learn that one of the first meetings to visualize The Force Awakens happened on January 16, 2013 at Skywalker Ranch with George Lucas himself. Among the pieces presented at the meeting were portraits of an older Luke Skywalker training a new disciple named Kira (who was later renamed Rey). The idea was that, 30 years after the fall of the Empire, Luke had gone to a dark place and secluded himself in a Jedi temple on a new planet. The paintings show Luke meditating, reassessing his whole life.

Apparently, the initial plan for Star Wars: Episode 7 was that Luke, over the course of that movie, would rediscover his vitality and train this new Jedi. 

Temple Interior

Leia would also have been trained by Luke according to screenrant.com:

Shortly after Episode VIII premiered, Hamill shared that Leia’s Force sensitivity was a plot point in Lucas’ outlines for the sequels. He did not state specifics of how exactly that would manifest, but said it would be a “waste of innate talent” if Leia never tapped into that side of her.

Mark Hamill also stated:

“This is always something that interest me because we can communicate telepathically and I tell her in one of the movies, I guess the third one, you have that power too. So I always wondered, and I don’t read the fanfiction, why she wouldn’t fully develop her Force sensibilities and I think that’s something George Lucas addressed in his original outline for 7, 8, 9. I was talking to him last week, but they’re not following George’s ideas so we’ll have to wait and see on that one. But it seems like a waste of an innate talent that she should utilize in some way.”

More recently, Hamill has made this comment regarding Luke’s fate in George Lucas’ version of the Sequel Trilogy as reported by ign.com:

“I happen to know that George didn’t kill Luke until the end of [Episode] 9, after he trained Leia. Which is another thread that was never played upon [in The Last Jedi].”

lucas_tfa_art04

In this 1983 interview with Gene Siskel, it’s hinted that Luke Skywalker would be a father in the Sequel Trilogy:

Again Hamill states that “it wouldn’t be on the same plane of existence.”  I have to wonder if at least a portion of the Sequel Trilogy might have taken place in the afterlife that the Force Ghosts inhabit.

According to thewrap.com, in his unauthorized biography of George Lucas, Dale Pollock said back in 2012 that he was fortunate enough to read Lucas’ outlines for the Sequel Trilogy, and beyond…

The stories for “Star Wars” episodes seven, eight and nine, which George Lucas has outlined and the Walt Disney Company will produce and release, are “the most exciting” in the series, the filmmaker’s biographer told TheWrap on Wednesday.

While researching his book, Dale Pollock, author of the unauthorized Lucas biography, “Skywalking: The Life And Films Of George Lucas,” was allowed to read the outlines to the 12 stories written by the filmmaker but was required to sign a confidentiality agreement.

“It was originally a 12-part saga,” Pollock told TheWrap. “The three most exciting stories were 7, 8 and 9. They had propulsive action, really interesting new worlds, new characters. I remember thinking, ‘I want to see these 3 movies.’”

I’d be very interested to read what Dale Pollock might have to say on the matter of the Sequel Trilogy now.

According to Owen Likes Comics:

Likewise, the thematic inspiration for the possible sequel trilogy were outlined by George Lucas himself, in an interview published in Denise Worrell’s 1983 book Icons: Intimate Portraits. In the chapter entitled “The Dark Side of George Lucas”, Lucas is reported to have only a vague notion of what will happen in the three films of a sequel trilogy. He is quoted as saying:

If the first trilogy is social and political and talks about how society evolves, Star Wars is more about personal growth and self realization, and the third deals with moral and philosophical problems. The sequel is about Jedi Knighthood, justice, confrontation, and passing on what you have learned.”

Here is some additional concept art for the Sequel Trilogy, though I’m not certain if these were produced before or after Lucasfilm’s sale to Disney.  Either way, they look far more interesting than anything that actually ended up in Disney’s Sequel Trilogy films:

anakin

A tormented Anakin Force ghost torn between the light and the dark.

JediKiller2

A Jedi killer character

JediKiller

Another Jedi killer concept.

11-13-Jedi-Killer-concept-2

03-13-Luke-concept-1

Alas, poor Yorrick, I knew him [well]!

JunkCastle

Junk Castle

Kira

Kira in training.

Star-Wars-VII-Concept-Art-23

Female protagonist Kira.

DarthTalon

Darth Talon

According to Naboo News, Darth Talon from the Extended Universe appears to have played a role in the Sequel Trilogy as one of the primary villains, who seduces Han Solo’s son to the dark side of the force.  According to Futurism:

Among them comes a member of the One Sith under the name of Darth Talon. In the One Sith, Darth Talon served as a personal assassin for the Emperor and Sith Lord Darth Krayt. Trained as a child to be a Sith Lord, Darth Talon finished her training after many years, and slew her former mentor in cold blood under Darth Krayt. With her dedication at hand, Talon was anointed as a Sith Lord of the One Sith.

Not only did her power arise from a lifetime of training, it was furthered by her desire to serve under Darth Krayt alongside Darth Nihilus and Darth Maladi, among many other.

As a member of the One Sith, Darth Talon was not one to give up on her hunt. Due to her failure to capture Princess Marasiah Fel because of Cade Skywalker, Darth Talon went to every way possible to ensure she would find her mark. Through her hunt to take down Emperor Roan Fel, Darth Talon went to every means necessary, including killing Princess Fel’s personal mentor and guardian by the name of Elke Vetter. That, of course, didn’t happen till after cutting off Vetter’s arm and leg to obtain what information she needed about the princess’ whereabouts.

She even attempted sabotage of a Jedi ship after sending the planet Vendaxo’s wild life after them. Due to her failure to kill Princess Fel, Darth Talon’s life was spared, and ultimately, her orders were to hunt down Cade Skywalker. The ultimate goal would be to turn the last scion of the Skywalker bloodline into a Sith Lord due to his ability to control the Force.

Though it’s not clear how close to the EU mythology the Sequel Trilogy incarnation of the Darth Talon character would be.

According to The Art of The Last Jedi, Han Solo’s son was to become a Jedi Killer.

talon_tfa2

The lower panels in this concept art seem to show a steaming love scene, suggesting that the Sequel Trilogy may have been meant for older audiences.

RedBlue

Fire & Ice Double Lightsaber

FireAndIIce

Death Star

Kira exploring submerged Death Star 2.0 wreckage.

04-13-Emperors-Throne-Room-Underwater

Emperor’s throne room under water.

Solo

Han solo

Ship

Ship

In terms of visual design, the Prequel Trilogy had a kind of World War I era motif, where the ships and designs looked largely hand made, or made in a fabrication shop.  The Original Trilogy had an industrial World War II motif, what people now refer to as Diesel Punk.  But in some of the designs that we see from George Lucas’ Sequel Trilogy, it appears that he may have intended to push the art design forward to a more Viet Nam era motif, similar to the Viet Nam era motif of the designs that we see in James Cameron’s Aliens.  This in turn makes me wonder if the art design for any potential Episode X through XII might have had a more 1980s Cold War era motif, to further demonstrate the passage of time through changing design motifs.

Given what has been said about George Lucas’ Sequel Trilogy being “ethereal” and “on another plane,” I have to wonder if he intended to expand on material that was explored in The Clone Wars episodes, Overlords, Altar of Mortis, and Ghosts of Mortis.

George Lucas has made some statements in regards to focusing on the Whills in the Sequel Trilogy.

Whills

According to Naboo News, the Whills were referenced in a line from an early draft of The Revenge of the Sith screenplay:

QUI-GON: (V.O.) The ability to defy oblivion can be achieved, but only for oneself. It was accomplished by a Shaman of the Whills. It is a state acquired through compassion, not greed.

What are the Whills?  According to George Lucas:

“Originally, I was trying to have the story be told by somebody else; there was somebody watching this whole story and recording it, somebody probably wiser than the mortal players in the actual events. I eventually dropped this idea, and the concepts behind the Whills turned into the Force. But the Whills became part of this massive amount of notes, quotes, background information that I used for the scripts; the stories were actually taken from the Journal of the Whills.”

According to Slashfilm.com, Lucas stated:

“Back in the day, I used to say ultimately what this means is we were just cars, vehicles, for the Whills to travel around in…We’re vessels for them. And the conduit is the midi-chlorians. The midi-chlorians are the ones that communicate with the Whills. The Whills, in a general sense, they are the Force.”

The Whills sound suspiciously like a soul.

This concept seems to be touched upon in The Clone Wars episodes, Voices, Destiny, and Sacrifice, where Yoda travels to the center of the Galaxy to a planet which holds the wellspring of the Force, and the source of midi-chlorians.  The Living Force, the Unifying Force, and the Cosmic Force are explored here.

I also wonder, if the Sequel Trilogy was meant to be much more mature than the preceding films.  Episode I was very much for little kids.  Episode II & III, for older kids, but still for kids.  Episode IV, V and VI, were mainly an all ages affair, but probably primarily aimed at early to mid teenagers.  So if the Sequel Trilogy continued that trend, and matured into more adult material, that would mean that a person could start with Episode I as a little kid, and watch continuing episodes as they grew up.  The material in the movies would mature along with the viewer as the episodes went along.

It’s likely that we’ll never know the full extent of what we missed out on.  But there may be more hints and tidbits about George Lucas’s Sequel Trilogy out there in articles and Mark Hamill interviews for those willing to hunt for the material.  Perhaps together as a fan base we could piece together the real Sequel Trilogy story.  A great place to start looking would be the old Starlog Magazines, the entire library of which is now available online for free courtesy of archive.org, right here.

Mark Hamill wished hey had stayed closer to George Lucas’ vision for the Sequel Trilogy, according to Metro:

Mark Hamill has now admitted that he is a little disappointed that Lucas is no longer involved, while also registering his disappointment that the powers that be over at the studio weren’t “more accepting of his guidance and advice.”

“What I wish is that they had been more accepting of his guidance and advice. Because he had an outline for ‘7,’ ‘8,’ and ‘9’. And it is vastly different to what they have done.”

Wouldn’t it be nice to get a comic book series telling the story of George Lucas’ intended vision for the Sequel Trilogy?  It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary, since the Star Wars franchise has already previously published alternate versions of the Star Wars Saga.  Maybe folks reading this can send Mark Hamill a friendly tweet, and ask him what the chances are of getting such a comic series.

#RealSequelTrilogyComic

 

20 Points That Slumming Through SJW “Think” Pieces Teaches Us

So I’ve been pouring over SJW “think” pieces for several months now.  Given that SJWs mostly all think alike, there are some common themes that run through their articles.  So there’s something of genuine value to learn here, with regards to increasing the effectiveness of our arguments.

SJW

1. THEY LOVE CITING THE LAST JEDI’S 1.3 BILLION DOLLAR EARNINGS, BUT WON’T ACKNOWLEDGE FINANCIAL FAILINGS

I’ve written here about the waning box office for The Last Jedi immediately after the opening weekend.  I’ve pointed out that in China, where people have no nostalgic attachment to the franchise, it was perceived as garbage.  The waning toy and merchandise sales point to further problems.  Not one SJW is able to acknowledge any of this.  They’re somehow under the impression that Star Wars is too big to fail, that it will always be around no matter what, and that it will always make money.  This may be that many of them aren’t old enough to remember a time without Star Wars, so they can’t imagine life without it.  They haven’t seen the Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers franchises come and go.  They haven’t witness the slow fading of the Star Trek franchise from its height in the mid 1990s.  So they think that Star Wars is forever, when in fact, nothing is.

2. THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND THE DISTINCTION BETWEEN FEMINIST IDEOLOGY AND THE FEMALE GENDER

When someone criticizes Disney Star Wars for its heavy handed feminist messaging, the SJW will use that as an opportunity to call the critic a sexist and/or misogynist.  But remember, in 2018 feminism and the female gender are no longer inextricably linked.  Thanks to SJW activistsmen now routinely and proudly proclaim themselves to be feminists.  So feminist ideology and the female gender are two different things in the modern era.  Criticism of feminism, does not automatically translate into de facto criticism of the women in the 21st Century.

3. THEY’RE UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT THERE WERE NO FEMALE OR MINORITY CHARACTERS BEFORE THE SEQUEL TRILOGY

Time and time again they talk about diversity in the Sequel Trilogy as though it’s a brand new thing in Star Wars.  When discussing diversity in Star Wars, they almost never mention Samuel L. Jackson, or Temuera Morrison.  They rarely mention Billy Dee Williams.  This is why they stupidly call critics racists, sexists, and/or misogynists; they don’t think females or minorities have ever been in the films before 2015.  Some of the brighter ones will argue that they’re talking about a primary character.  But that betrays the fact that they haven’t really watched the films, because the films were always ensemble pieces without a singular primary character.

4. THEY TRY TO DISMISS THE BACKLASH AS A “TINY VOCAL MINORITY”

Early on, few if any of them refused to acknowledge that the backlash even existed.  But as the backlash grew louder, and they were forced to acknowledge it, they then attempted to dismiss it as a “tiny vocal minority.”  The truth is more likely that it is they, who are in the minority.  And that’s why just as of this week they’ve taken to openly attacking and admonishing backlashers.  They’e gone so far as to mischaracterize Backlashers as racists and misogynists, despite the fact that the Backlash itself is diverse.

5. THEY’RE UNDER THE DELUSION THAT DISNEY SAVED STAR WARS

Many of them seem to feel that the Star Wars franchise was going nowhere until Disney purchased it.  They feel this despite a highly successful Clone Wars television series on the air, and the Sequel Trilogy already being developed by Lucasfilm prior to the Disney purchase.

6. THEY ACCUSE BACKLASHERS OF FEELING ENTITLED

This after they screamed to the high heavens with their own entitlement for equal representation and gender equality when Disney bought the franchise.  This despite the fact that a war time setting doesn’t really warrant perfect gender equality, since it’s primarily men who fight wars.

7. SJWs AREN’T JUST IN THE FANDOM, THEY’RE ALSO WITHIN LUCASFILM

It’s a sad fact that Lucasfilm currently employs political activists rather than artists.  We’ve seen this truth not only in the new material they’re producing under Disney, but also in the public comments from Lucasfilm representatives as well.

8. THEY WILL LIKE ANYTHING THAT PUSHES A POLITICAL AGENDA THEY AGREE WITH, WITHOUT REGARD TO ACTUAL FILM CRAFT

This goes both for SJW fans and professional critics.

9. THEY WEIRDLY ASSUME THAT THEY HAVE SOME KIND OF AUTHORITY

A number of articles have called for a “ceasefire” from the BacklashWhen so doing, they start taking this authoritative tone, instructing Backlashers what is or is not acceptable forms of criticism.  As amusing as it is, it’s important to remind them of the reality that they have no authority over anything.

10. THEY CAN’T COPE WITH CONFLICTING ROTTEN TOMATOES SCORES

They’ll attribute The Last Jedi audience score to Russian bots and racist/misogynist hackers, but can’t explain why Black Panther’s score and public reception wasn’t also affected by the same phantoms.  They’re unable to comprehend, that one was a bad movie, and that they other was good.  Occam’s Razer and all of that.

11.  THEY HAVE A SERIOUS MISUNDERSTANDING OF BASIC POLITICS

Both the SJW fans and the SJWs within Lucasfilm, think they’re “Resisting” President Trump. What’s Trump’s agenda?  The GOP/Republican agenda.  What’s the GOP/Republican agenda?  Smaller limited government.  So they’re resisting smaller limited government, which they apparently think is authoritarian fascism.  But let’s translate this into Star Wars to demonstrate how nonsensical this all is, and ask some simple questions:

So the First Order is a fascist government complete with stormtroopers. Would a fascist government support small limited government? How does one impose a fascist state with small limited government? Don’t you need big government in order to impose a fascist state?  How can you be authoritarian without a big government to back up your authority?  Who is it that supports big government?

So they’re political understanding is absolutely upside down.

MoreGovernment

12. ANTI-GUN AND ANTI-WAR SJWs HAVE BARNACLED THEMSELVES TO A FRANCHISE ABOUT…WAR

Far too often fans forget that the word “wars” appears in the title of the franchise.  Most of these SJW fans seem to think that the franchise is about cute cosplay outfits.

13. FEMINISTS SEEM TO THINK THAT LEIA PRANCED AROUND THROUGH THE ENTIRE OT IN NOTHING BUT THE GOLD BIKINI

Feminist writer after feminist writer type out silly sentences such as this:

But in the context of a franchise that has been known to use women’s bodies as an enticement for viewers it’s also a clear sign that the creators know that straight white men aren’t the only audience they’re catering to anymore.”

Not one of them seems to understand the proper context or intention of the gold bikini, which was not male audience gratification.  I’ve explained the context of Leia’s gold bikini here.

14. THEY WANT YOU TO GO FIND SOMETHING ELSE RATHER THAN VOICE PROTEST

SJWs happen to like getting indoctrinated with politics that they already agree with.  It gives them a sense of affirmation.  But with no fundamental understanding of basic economics, they don’t understand that paying customers walking away means that their political propaganda will no longer be funded.  So they tell you to go “find something else that brings you joy” or some such nonsense.  A few of them however do understand this, which is why those few attempt to shame critics into silence so they can continue to have their political propaganda funded.

15. THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND THE DISTINCTION BETWEEN POLITICAL PROPAGANDA AND GENUINE ART

Lucasfilm is currently staffed with political activists rather than genuine artists.  This is self evident to any educated thinking person.  The SJW though, sees what Lucasfilm is currently producing as art, not having any real experience or education into what political propaganda looks like.  This is why the silly Bechdel Test will determine for them whether or not they like a movie.

16. FEMINISTS THINK MEN ACT A CERTAIN WAY

When feminists attempt to be “gender equal,” many of them will put on their best performance as to what they think men act like.  We see this expressed in the character of Holdo, and to some extent, Rey.  They seem to think that men in the military go around slapping each other in the face and holding back cocky pilots all day long.  But, men don’t really act this way by and large, unless it’s really necessary.  It is truly bizarre though, that out of one side of their mouths they’ll prattle on endlessly about “toxic masculinity,” but then out of the other side of their mouth they’ll whine that they want equal representation in a war movie.  I’m not sure how they reconcile that.

17. THEY FREQUENTLY ARGUE AGAINST POINTS THAT NO ONE MAKES

Part of this is that they have some pre-rehearsed rhetoric that they’re dying to spew.  Part of it is that they want to deflect the conversation into some other area where they’re better prepared.  Part of it is that they seek to mischaracterize what you actually have said or written, into what they want people to think that you’ve said or written.  In either of these cases, it’s always equally bizarre.

18. THEY HAVE AN OBSESSED HATRED FOR STRAIGHT WHITE MALES

Nearly all of their articles cite the straight white male in some form, along with an accompanying pejorative.  That form of bigotry seems to be not just acceptable, but also highly fashionable among today’s SJW ignorati given how commonplace it is in their work.  Make no mistake, the SJWs within Lucasfilm have the same problem.

19. FEW OF THEM HAVE READ OR WATCHED ANY STAR WARS MATERIAL PRIOR TO THE SEQUEL TRILOGY

They’ll often prove this by attempting to compare Rey to Luke, and claiming that if Rey is a Mary Sue, then Luke is one too.  It’s more of that equality nonsense that they try to force onto every aspect of life.  As I explain in my review of The Force Awakens, this comparison is ridiculous, if you’ve actually watched the films.  Clearly, many have not, and are basing their opinions on brief clips, what they’ve seen at conventions, or what they’ve heard other people say or read other people write, etc.

20. SJWs will never be happy or satisfiedNot ever.

And there you have it.  These 20 points pretty much describe the main talking points in any Star Wars related SJW written article that you’ll read at any point in the future.

Rian Johnson Hints At More Force Shenanigans

George Simpson from express.co.uk reports on a question about Dark Side Force Ghosts that was asked of Rian:

Speaking with LA Times, he said: “I think that would be interesting. We haven’t seen them in the movies as far as I can remember.”

Johnson continued: “But that would be really interesting considering the dark side is about self-preservation, trying to find immortality, and the notion that the light side actually got to it through selflessness, what would the dark side version of that look like? There’s so much cool [stuff] to think about if you’re willing to open your head a little bit!”

He continued: “The truth is, because Star Wars until The Force Awakens has been set in amber and we hadn’t had a new Star Wars movie in 10 years, you forget that they were introducing new Force stuff with each movie, based on the requirements of the story.

“Force-grabbing didn’t come around until Empire [Strikes Back], it wasn’t in A New Hope. Same with Force ghosts.”

Johnson added: “They’d introduce new ideas of what could happen with the Force each time…The one point where we do introduce a bit of a twist in terms of Force ghosts is where Yoda calls down the lightning onto the tree.

“That, I think, is a tantalising hint of the potential of someone who is a Force ghost interacting with the real world.”

Rian

Rian’s head is open to whatever Kathleen Kennedy puts into it.

SJW Rant All Bluster And No Substance

John DiLillo writes an irrational and uneducated rant entitled, In My Tisch Opinion: ‘The Last Jedi’ Isn’t a Mess, It’s a Masterpiece.

shit

Another masterpiece for John to admire.

In it he writes:

Here are 10 different ways we were blessed by Rian Johnson.

Yeah, you’re not easily sucked into the cult of personality or anything.

If you’re on the Internet, you’ve heard people complain about The Last Jedi.

You’ve probably heard people complain about The Last Jedi if you’re not on the internet too.

The backlash has been inescapably obtuse, with people nitpicking just about every angle of the production and screeching “Star Wars is ruined!”

What backlash?  Lucasfilm reps and your contemporaries keep telling everyone that the backlash doesn’t exist.

…from the depths of their parents’ basements.

Which is exactly where you’ll be heading immediately after graduation.

And that’s too bad, because The Last Jedi is a legitimate masterpiece and the first movie to truly deserve the Star Wars mantle since the original trilogy.

I’m willing to entertain your arguments.

The majority of knocks against it come from a place of bad faith or from people who just plain didn’t pay attention.

We shall see.

In honor of its home video release, we decided to break down all of the dumbest and most unreasonable complaints about the best Star Wars movie since The Empire Strikes Back.

Let’s do this thing.

Feel free to @ us, because it means we’ve won.

According to whom?

1. “This movie is for kids!”

Worst thing about modern fandom is the delusion that things you liked as a child should stop appealing to kids now that you’re no longer one

Um. Yeah. Star Wars is for kids. Remember how the original Star Wars has a garbage can robot who makes a sad noise and falls over? Remember how you loved that when you were a kid? Well, now you’re just going to have to suck it up and try to appreciate the cute puffin aliens, because Star Wars isn’t going to suddenly become R-rated and abandon jokes just because you turned 40 and went through a crushing divorce.  But I do recommend that you watch Logan’s Run at some point.

This of course is incorrect.  The Original Trilogy was actually an all ages affair.  That’s why those who saw it as a child, continued to watch the Original Trilogy repeatedly throughout adulthood, and continue to do so.  It’s also why parents were willing to take their children to these movies in great measure; there were deeper layers of the onion for the adults too.  In fact, that’s the only real reason that Disney saw the franchise as still viable 40 years after its inception.  And let’s face it, dismembered limbs in bar fights and the smoldering corpses of Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru don’t exactly scream little kids movie.  You should try watching the movie some time, you might like it.

Nobody is expecting Star Wars to become R-Rated, or abandon jokes altogether.  However, jokes that actually work would be nice, as would compelling characters and a coherent plot.  I’m not sure that turning 40 or going through a crushing divorce has anything to do with any of that.  But I do recommend that you watch Logan’s Run.

The Sequel Trilogy might be said to be kid’s movies, since that’s the mentality of the people who are writing them.

2. “Bombs shouldn’t fall in space!”

Guys, this is going to hurt, Star Wars isn’t real. It’s not sci-fi. It’s not reality. It’s pure fantasy. Bombs shouldn’t fall in space? Sure. You know what else shouldn’t happen in space? Loud laser gun sound effects. But fine, as long as we’re doing this: An object in motion will remain in motion, so bombs falling out of a spaceship would continue to fall, and also TIE bombers already existed in the original trilogy, so please continue to talk about how this movie ruined Star Wars “science.”

Even in fantasy worlds such as Star Wars, the author(s) have to abide by rules of the world that they are creating, otherwise it becomes farce.  Surely you’ve had creative writing classes that have gone over this.  Otherwise, why not have Micky Mouse fight alongside Rey and Poe?  They’re all part of the Disney family after all.  Things have to be depicted within reasonable realism in the Star Wars setting, otherwise suspension of disbelief is shattered.  Take Kal-Leia for instance.  You’re far to young to remember this, but at the time the original 1977 Star Wars film was actually considered a gritty take on the old adventure serials from the 30s and 40s.

3. Leia’s space flight

Yes, the visual of Princess Leia soaring through space wreckage and back into her capital ship is a little goofy. It’s also totally fucking badass. It’s the best possible way for the character to escape death and a terrific way of demonstrating her latent Force powers.

The surreal and beautiful image of the late Carrie Fisher finally getting to use the Force in a movie is great. If you don’t think so, you’re wrong, and you’re even more wrong if you’re one of those people who thinks the movie should have used this moment to kill Leia and write in Fisher’s untimely passing. And cut out every other perfect scene Fisher had, including her reunion with Mark Hamill?! Go sit in the corner.

It’s a deeply stupid way to escape death and a moronic way of demonstrating latent Force Powers.  I’ve written about it at length here.

4. Admiral Holdo and Poe

I’m not one to assume the motives of anyone who didn’t like a space movie, but it seems to me that the female aspects of The Last Jedi are pretty over-represented in criticisms of the film. Strange! I’m sure that doesn’t mean anything at all.

The female aspects of The Last Jedi are not over-represented in criticisms of the film, pretty or otherwise.  Rather, what the criticisms represent instead, are criticisms of silly militant feminism in the film.  Remember, feminist ideology and the female gender are two separate things in the 21st Century, thanks to male progressives who now claim to be feminists.  So criticism of feminism does not automatically translate into criticism of women in the modern era, as much as you may want it to.

One of those female aspects is the presence of Holdo, Laura Dern’s purple-haired admiral who assumes control of the Resistance while Leia is recovering from her exposure to space. People really don’t like that the woman in charge doesn’t tell her young, hot-headed subordinate her secret plan.

Do they not like Holdo because she doesn’t inform her subordinates of her plan as a commander should, or do they not like her because her decisions lead all but a dozen or so Resistance fighters directly to their deaths?

In case you haven’t noticed, Poe Dameron is kind of a dick. All that Holdo knows about him is that he’s just been demoted for putting Resistance ships in danger in service of a reckless plan that wasn’t approved by his last female superior. So she keeps something from him, which is her right. 

How is keeping the Resistance’s plans from Poe her right?  Are you sure that you understand what a right actually is?  So what if Poe is a dick?  Since when was being a dick grounds for withholding military intel from the troops who need it in order to coordinate their actions?  Doing so for such a reason is small minded and petty.  And probably feminist.

And then Poe goes off and puts Resistance ships in danger in service of another reckless plan that wasn’t approved by his female superior. So, Holdo is proven correct. Poe is a cocky little shit who would have screwed it up, and then went and screwed it up anyway. The end.

A scenario that would happen only in the imaginations of feminists.

5. Canto Bight

This is one of the few Last Jedi criticisms that I think is understandable. Look, I love the wacky casino planet that Finn and Rose visit midway through The Last Jedi. It’s funny, well-realized and incredibly Star Wars. If you find the setting off-putting and you just don’t vibe with it, that’s cool. What you can’t do is claim that the scene in question is “pointless” because that just isn’t true. Leia and Han’s sojourn on the Millennium Falcon in Empire doesn’t end up impacting the plot, but it changes the characters for good and Canto Bight is the same. What Finn learns on Canto Bight is to care about something bigger than his friends. He learns about systematic injustice in the galaxy and sees the impact of the Resistance beyond the small group he’s familiar with. It all builds to him abandoning his complacency and embracing his identity as a rebel. That matters to the movie, whether or not you liked how it went down. Also come on, BB-8 shoots coins at a guy!

Of course it’s true that the Canto Bight sequence is pointless.  It serves only to facilitate moronic social justice lecturing that has no value whatsoever.  Comparing it with the Han and Leia sojourn in TESB is ridiculous.  The sequence in TESB certainly impacts the plot because torturing Han is what allowed Darth Vader to send out Force vibes to Luke, who then saw his friends in pain in a vision on Dagobah, and then flew to Cloud City to save them.

6. Rose

I’m not going to claim that everyone who hates Kelly Marie Tran’s delightful character is racist or sexist, although I know for a fact that some of them are. I’m going to go a step further and say that they’re also heartless. Rose is the character who comes the closest to being the soul of The Last Jedi. She’s achingly sincere, a bottomless pit of kindness. People don’t like sincerity in their blockbusters; they want quips and snark and Deadpool. 

How is it exactly that you know for a fact that people who hate the moronic Rose Tico character are racist or sexist?  Are you sure that you don’t just call everything racist and sexist?

When someone like Rose shows up, modern audiences squirm and reject her because a line as corny as “That’s how we’ll win: Not fighting what we hate, saving what we love” just has to be bad, right? Nope. It’s the perfect summation of the film as a whole. 

Well then how come Holdo got to destroy what she hated?

Long live Rose Tico.

Tee hee…

7. Rey

People have been complaining since The Force Awakens that Rey is a “Mary Sue,” which is a subtle code that Internet sexists have for whining about girls taking over the world.

Is it super duper secret code for being sexist?  Or is it that Rey is in fact a Mary Sue? Occam’s Razor my friend.

The accusation here is that Rey is just too perfect and good at everything, which on the surface seems pretty absurd given that she spends the entire runtime of The Force Awakens struggling with her biggest flaw, her desire to avoid her destiny and wait around for her family to come back for her. She overcomes that weakness here, realizing throughout the course of the film that she’s the only one who can discover her place in the galaxy. No one can show it to her.

Didn’t you hear from Daisy Ridley herself?  Not only is Rey not a Mary Sue, but she also has no weaknesses.  Reconcile that one.

That ties in with another complaint about Rey, the fact that no one’s moronic “Who are Rey’s parents?” fan theories came true. Rey was never going to be Obi-Wan Kenobi’s grandniece or whatever, because it’s very obvious that the arc of this Star Wars trilogy is the conflict between Ben Solo, someone who feels entitled to a legacy, and Rey Nobody, someone who has a legacy thrust upon her. Sorry Rey isn’t a clone of Emperor Palpatine. (This is a real thing that real stupid people wanted.)

Ha!  The novelization of The Last Jedi suggests that Rey is Luke’s niece.  What are you going to do when JJ Abrams retcons the “nobody” parentage in Episode IX?

8. Killing Snoke

Okay look, I’m just going to cut to the chase. No one gives a shit about Snoke. Snoke sucks. Snoke is a boring Emperor Palpatine rip-off who looks like a pile of moldy dicks. Anyone who cared about a character named “Snoke” should be ashamed of themselves. He’s boring and stupid, and killing him is one of the best choices The Last Jedi makes. Kylo Ren is infinitely more compelling and will be a far better villain, and no amount of “Snoke=Mace Windu?!?!” YouTube videos will change that fact.

Should people who care about a character named Snoke be more ashamed than someone who knows what a pile of moldy dicks looks like?

9. Luke’s characterization

This is the big one. People are very angry that this movie wasn’t about a perfect Jedi god named Luke Skywalker who gets all of the ladies and kills all the bad guys dead. Luke isn’t perfect here; he’s bitter and sad, and he doesn’t have all the answers. But a still-growing Luke is far more interesting than the charmingly stagnant Han Solo mannequin that appeared in The Force Awakens. Luke changes. He grows. And yes, he dies. That’s upsetting! But it’s okay for a movie to upset you. Sometimes it’s trying to. With some distance, there’s nothing more satisfying than the death Luke gets in The Last Jedi, a death that’s noble and powerful and incredibly cool. Luke couldn’t be the star of these movies. These Star Wars movies are about the next generation inheriting a legacy, not the last generation holding onto it. It’s no wonder middle-aged fanboys are upset. These movies don’t belong to you anymore, guys. 

Absolutely no one said that they are angry that this movie wasn’t about a perfect Jedi god named Luke Skywalker who gets all of the ladies and kills all the bad guys dead.  No one.  So you’re responding to a point that no one made, simply because you think the prose in that sentence sounds clever.  It’s not.

Dying wasn’t the upsetting part.  It was the manner in which he died.  There’s nothing wrong with the idea of Luke Skywalker dying.  It’s the execution of that idea which was a steaming pile of Bantha fodder.  It was all very, very lame indeed.

Time to let go.

The box office and the waning toy and merchandise sales demonstrate that many are letting go.

Luke couldn’t be the star of these movies. These Star Wars movies are about the next generation inheriting a legacy, not the last generation holding onto it.

Well, he could, but few really wanted that.  What some were expecting instead, was for Luke to play the Obi-Wan of this trilogy.  Obi-Wan in the Original Trilogy was a secondary character.  Again, you’re arguing against points that no one is making.

10. Killing Admiral Ackbar

Oh, you guys care about Admiral Ackbar now? What the fuck is wrong with you? He’s just a fish man who said one funny thing once. Why are you angry that he’s dead? You’re lucky they even remembered to put him in these movies. Did you know that in the old dumb Star Wars books Admiral Ackbar just literally dies of old age? Look it up. You should feel lucky your fish man hero died in battle!

Admiral Ackbar led the assault on the Death Star 2.0.  Sure his time was brief.  Nevertheless, he still holds far more emotional gravitas than Holdo ever did, or could.

Also, get a life.

Says the guy who took the time to write this silly article.

The Secret Of Poe’s Jacket

It seems that Lucasfilm Story Group just can’t stop writing about Poe’s jacket, making it almost a character unto itself.

According to Sara Moran from ScreenRant, the latest issue of the Poe Dameron comic book lets fans know the real reason that Poe let Finn keep his jacket.

Star-Wars-Poe-Dameron-Marvel-Comics-Finn-Jacket

It won’t eject because the writers of TFA didn’t think about ejection seats when they wrote the screenplay.

In his telling of this tale, Poe reveals it was him who triggered Finn’s ejector seat in the TIE (something Finn thought had happened automatically) but when he tried to eject himself, his jacket was jamming the mechanism.

Poe curses the “blasted jacket,” explaining that because of its role in nearly killing him, he was perfectly happy with Finn becoming its new owner.

Fascinating.

 

Han Solo Novel Last Shot Unintentionally Retcons The Force Awakens

Among the tales of Han Solo’s baby sitting, and Lando Calrissian’s admiration of his own genitalia, Last Shot readers also get treated to the high adventure of Han Solo’s mid-life crisis.

James Whitbrook of i09 reports:

Daniel José Older’s new Star Wars novel, Last Shot, was bundled up with the recent wave of Solo: A Star Wars Story-themed book announcements. But while there are parts of it that deal with the early lives of Han and Lando, it’s at its best when it’s set decades after the upcoming movie, as the two come to terms with leaving their past—and their youth—behind.

…set approximately two years after Return of the Jedi and the Battle of Jakku, with Han pulled away from his family by Lando into a new adventure tying up the other arcs of the book through its mysterious villain, a sort of Dr. Frankenstein-for-droids figure named Fryzen Gor. That contrast is to starkly remind us of one thing: Han and Lando grew up.

From Han’s point of view in this time period, getting old is a petrifying and new thing to him, as he tries to balance his new homelife looking after a 2-year-old Ben Solo with a wife constantly caught up in the bureaucratic quagmire of establishing the New Republic (a New Republic that frequently wants Han to get caught up in its administration as well, much to his chagrin).

Han’s unease, so potent that it almost feels uncharacteristic for the smuggler-turned-Rebel-hero who helped bring down the Empire. How does a guy who’s spent most of his adult life on the run, solving problems with lies and deals and liberal amounts of blasterfire, know how to be a parent? Can he be the father he never really knew, or the husband he never thought he’d be, to a child and wife who unquestionably, thoroughly love him?

Han finds himself worryingly holo-calling home every time he has a moment to check up on Leia and Ben, and at one point late on in the novel he admits that he has no idea if he’s comfortable being out among the stars as a pilot anymore, doing the things he’s loved his whole life, when he knows should be back home raising Ben—despite the fact he has no idea if anything he’s doing with his son is actually good for the child.

But it’s also important reminder that these characters we’ve known and loved for years—decades, rather, of learning more and more about them over years of books and comics and movies, as we’re about to do so again with Solo next month—are not trapped in amber. They are confronted with maturity and aging and realities of lives outside of spaceship battles and daring rebellions, just as we all eventually become (well, at least without the spaceship battles and daring rebellions bit). And in confronting those very real emotions in Han and Lando, Last Shot becomes far more interesting than you might expect a supposed Solo tie-in novel to really be.

Okay.  So riddle me this: if Han Solo “grew up” 2 years after Return of the Jedi, and becomes a boring suburbanite dad while eschewing a life of adventure, then how come we see him in Episode VII as the same smuggler character we first met in Episode IV before his arc was finished in Episode VI?