Dash Star’s Hopes Are Dashed?

Back in December 2017, Dash Star published the following video:

That video caused a bit of a hubbub on the interwebs back then, because it was thought that Dash Star was one of the largest voices in the online Star Wars fandom.

Then recently, in May of 2019, Dash Star posted the following tweet:

Indeed.  Dash Star now has an alternate YouTube Channel called Rage Dash.  Here’s a sample from a recent video he published this May:

Is Dash Star being genuine?  Or is Dash Star being disingenuous?

If you’re undecided, you may have the chance to decide, as word on the street is that Dash Star will be appearing on the High Council this Tuesday.

#JohnCarterWatchParty on December 20th

Rather than waste your time, money, and patience on the crappy Episode IX, let’s have an online watch party for Disney’s John Carter.  Here’s why:

In 2012 John Carter was released by Disney to a poor reception.

Many chalked up the poor reception to strange marketing practices by Disney, much of which can be read about at this Facebook page.  Despite poor publicity, the movie did not bomb at all., and in fact fans petitioned for a sequel.  Unfortunately, Disney has lost the rights to John Carter, so a sequel likely just isn’t in the cards.

Interestingly, 2012 was right around the time that negotiations for Disney’s purchase of Star Wars likely began, and as such many feel that the potential John Carter franchise was deliberately torpedoed in favor of focusing on Star Wars, given Disney’s strange marketing practices.

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Let’s watch a real strong female lead instead of that fake shampoo princess.

So the reasons to have an online John Carter watch party on December 20th, 2019, the opening day of Episode IX, can be listed as such:

  1.  You’ll be watching a genuinely entertaining film, rather than suffering through 2.5 hours of social justice propaganda.
  2. You’ll be saving yourself the cost of admission and theater concessions.
  3. Disney representatives will be irritated that people are talking about John Carter on Episode IX’s release date
  4. Infuriating idiot SJWs is always worth the time and effort, and is in and of itself highly entertaining.
  5. Talking about a potential franchise that Disney abandoned in favor of focusing on the ruination of the Star Wars franchise on a Star Wars release date is sauce for the goose.
  6. It’ll just be plain fun.

Let’s see if we can get #JohnCarterWatchParty trending as succesfully as SJWs got #MakeSolo2Happen trending.

Kylo And Rey’s Climactic Battle Atop Death Star Wreckage

Vanity Fair reveals another silly Episode IX moment in their online article.  How did this moment come about?  Well we’ve seen how in previous trailers.

First, was the leisurely walk through lush grasslands by our multi-culturally diverse heroes.

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Rey still wears the same stinky bandages from Episode VII.

Then the shot cuts to a foreboding seascape, with something off in the distance.

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Upon closer examination, many think that it’s the wreckage of the Death Star 2.0 from Return of the Jedi, surrounded by a stormy sea.  And that this is why we hear Palpatines laughing in the trailer, perhaps he is haunting the Death Star wreckage.

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Now take a good close look at the ground beneath Kylo and Rey’s feet in the image that Vanity Fair brought us today:

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“You got your peanut butter in my chocolate!” ~Kylo Ren                                                                                           “You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!” ~Rey Somebody

SJWs will be horrified that Rey is finally getting a bath, and unintentionally laundering those smelly Jakku fatigues in the process.

UPDATE:

Palpatine is purportedly confirmed to be in Episode IX.

 

John Boyega Fights The Things He Hates

Vanity Fair recently published the following image:

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We now anxiously await word to see if Kelly Marie Tran will admonish John Boyega for fighting the things he hates rather than saving the things he loves.

But looking at that image, I think I’ve felt that presence before.  A presence I’ve not felt since…Return of the Jedi.

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Photoshopped image vs. Captured image.

Rian Johnson Inspired JJ Abrams’ Film

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JJ explains that Rian taught him how to wipe his bum with a roll of 70mm film.

According to ComicBook.com:

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Director J.J. Abrams Confirms How Rian Johnson Inspired His Film

Despite numerous reports about how Johnson and Abrams worked together on the overall narrative, the director of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker revealed that Johnson’s biggest influence was empowering him to feel more ambitious with the conclusion of the Skywalker Saga.

“Having seen what Rian did made me approach this from a place of instinct and gut,” Abrams shared with Vanity Fair. “I was making choices I knew I would not have made on VII, some story-wise, but more in terms of directing. I found myself feeling less like I’m going to try and do something that feels like it’s [only] true to the specifics of this franchise or the story.”

While Abrams might not have offered specific details into what elements of Johnson’s filmmaking style or narrative beats would be more heavily leaned into with The Rise of Skywalker, it’s clear that the director saw what Johnson accomplished with his film and allowed himself more freedom in this final chapter.

“The idea of the movie is kind of how I felt going into the movie as a filmmaker, which is to say that I’ve inherited all this stuff, great stuff, and good wisdom, and the good and the bad, and it’s all coming to this end, and the question is, do we have what it takes to succeed?” Abrams added.

No, you do not.

But you do have enough sense to be jealous of the political accolades that Rian received, and attempt to recreate the formula to get your own.

Deadpool Co-Creator Sounds The Alarm

Calling all SJWs!    Calling all SJWs!

The annoyance of your idiot activism is requested!!

Rob Liefeld is not too happy with the recent Vanity Fair article, that gave us previews of Episode IX.  So he’s sounding the alarm to TLJ infatuated SJWs everywhere!

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Just think, between the threat of a full retcon of TLJ, and the additional threat of putting the kibosh on Reylo, Episode IX might be boycotted by the very SJWs that Disney and Lucasfilm has wooed with this crappy Sequel Trilogy.  I just hope if and when that happens, that everyone at Disney and Lucasfilm will enjoy it as much as I know I will.  It would almost make the existence of the Sequel Trilogy entirely worth it.

Thanks to Drunk 3PO for the tip.

Keri Russell Star Wars Character Adopts Stripper Stage Name

The name of the newest character in the diminishing Star Wars franchise is Zorri Bliss.  I shit you not.

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Zorri Bliss; Coming to a burlesque stage near you!

That’s the image and character name in Vanity Fair’s preview of Episode IX.  If you’re interested, you can head over there to see the rest of the lackluster images.

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Zorri Bliss’s next starring role.

Let’s just hope that Zorri doesn’t remove her helmet to tell Rey, “I am your mother.”  Because then no one will be able to figure out who the father is.

UPDATE:

A Twitter user made the observation that Zorri’s helmet seems to be inspired by the Rocketeer.

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I give you two nano-seconds to come up with a porno-pun for the Rocketeer.